What If?
by Temptation's Prophetess
Summary: What if Edward was never far away? What if Bella died of old age? What if death isn't binding? There are only so many times you can ask yourself 'what if' before you go crazy. Set during New Moon. ExB.
1. Chapter 1: So Many Doubts

Alright. This is probably going to be a multiple chapter story, but I could leave it as it is. Depends on the type of response I'm getting. So review, and tell me what you think. Just a little background information: When Edward left, he just stayed and watched Bella. And now she is dying.**

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**What If**

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He watched her, he never really left. He watched her grow into a young woman, and get a job for the first time. He watched her talk to her mother, her father, her friends, but never really respond, only nod, as if she were on autopilot. And he watched as they drifted away from her, moving on with their lives, so busy and bustling, the opposite of her.

As he watched, she grew more closed off; more numb. He watched as, on her birthday, she received a puppy, and cried because of its eye color. Topaz. The next day she took it to the pound. He watched as she broke all her CD's and clawed her radio out with her fingernails, never noticing that they were raw and bleeding. He watched, and he waited; he didn't know what for. To see her smile? To see her blush? After that terrible, fateful day, she never did either again.

He watched as she saw him, fleetingly, and then he disappeared. And then he watched as she fell to the floor in shock, tears streaming down her face, and lay there for hours, silent and unmoving. He watched as she lost her numbness, and sunk into depression. He watched as she lost weight, and eventually became so thin she was hospitalized permanently. He watched as she stopped talking, except to a photograph, a picture of Carlisle she had stolen from the hospital, and even then it was only to scream at it to bring him back. He watched as Charlie died, and she didn't respond when she was told. He watched as she grew old, and her hair turned white, and he watched as her once smooth skin became wrinkly and faded. He saw how she screamed when she looked in a mirror.

He was there, unseen, when her doctors told her she had only a few weeks left. He listened as her pulse grew slow, and he watched her sleep once more. He watched her heart slow down, so close to death, and then Edward slipped quietly into her room, pretending he was her grandson. He touched her cheek gently, and her eyes opened. He watched as, for the first time in years, she smiled. And she looked at him, and said

"I knew you would come back. I waited for a long time, but I always hoped. The only reason I stayed alive was my promise. Otherwise I'd be dead. It was worth it. I love you. I never stopped." He watched as his reply made her blush, and reflected that it _was _worth it.

"I never really left love. I was watching the whole time." She gave a weak smile.

"Why didn't you come for me?" This was a question he couldn't fully answer.

"I guess… I was afraid," She gave a fleeting smile.

"You're indestructible. What could you possibly have to be afraid of?"

"Because sometimes there are things you can't fix. Sometimes there are only so many times you can push a person away before they won't come back to you again. I was afraid…That I had pushed you too far… That you wouldn't want me anymore. And so I swore to myself that I would give you a chance to have a _normal_ life."

"I don't know how someone as smart as you are managed to make such a colossal mistake. But it doesn't matter now. I'm dying, you know." He was alarmed to hear that her voice was growing fainter by the minute.

"Of course it matters! And I want you to know that I'm going to follow after as soon as I can."

"No!!" her voice was as sharp as it had been on that disastrous day before all of this began. _I wasn't going to live without you_. "No matter what happens to me, you _will not_ hurt yourself. I **forbid** it!"

"But-"

"**No!** Absolutely not. This topic is not up for discussion."

"Fine." Sullenly, he agreed. He didn't know how he was going to live for eternity without her, but that didn't matter right now. He didn't want to spend their last minutes together arguing.

"Can you get me out of this place? I feel like I'm suffocating."

"Where do you want me to take you?" he asked

"Preferably the meadow. Is it raining right now?"

"Yes."

"Good."

Silently, he picked up her frail body, and left the hospital. She kept her eyes open as he ran, and she cried when she saw the meadow. Smiling through her tears, and the raindrops that mingled with them, she said "I love you so much Edward. I'm not ready to leave. We didn't have enough time."

Something inside of him cringed with every word she said, screaming at him to deny everything she was saying. He didn't deserve her love. It was his fault they didn't have any more time.

"I know Bella, I know. This is all my fault." A smile that was more grimace than anything twisted her beautiful face.

"Same old Edward, always taking blame he doesn't deserve. I won't have you wallowing. I want you to have fun. Use your time to do great things."

In the soaking rain, they kissed. Gently, yet with the same burning edge that always seemed to creep in whenever he was scared. And he was terrified right now.

Bella was dying. _Bella_ was dying. It happened everyday, to millions of people. He knew this. But he also knew that when this particular person died, she would take most of him with her.

"I love you. Always and forever." The whispered words where the last thing she ever said.

And so he watched as her heart stopped, and she died, rain still falling upon the face that would never again smile, upon the cheeks that would never again blush, and upon the eyes that would never again see past all his pretenses. Her lifeless body was slumped against him, and he just froze stood there, silently, for what seemed like an age. By the time his family found him, he had put her body on the ground, and was starting to dig a grave for her. Alice was the first one into the clearing.

"I thought we'd find you here. She's gone, isn't she?" he nodded, and resumed work on the grave. Alice went back to find the rest of the family. When they came back, he was just standing there, standing at the prone form of the person who meant the most in the world to him.

"I don't think I can do this. Putting her in that grave means that it is final. That she is dead, and there is nothing I can do about it. And I can't accept that." The words came out strangled, so far from that velvet resonance that _she_ had loved.

In a heart beat, Esme had her arms around him. He shook her off, and continued to gaze at the body.

In a last desperate attempt to reach out at him, to keep him from going under any more then he currently was, Carlisle said "But she _is _gone Edward. It was her time to go. God, in his wisdom; wanted her back with him in his kingdom. She wouldn't want you to be unhappy. Bury her properly, it is the last thing you can do for her." He moved closer, but stopped at the sound of Edward's voice.

"But that's just it Carlisle." His voice, beautiful as always, was twisted with pain and regret. "It shouldn't have _been_ her time. I was so stupid! I should have listened to her when she asked me to change her! If I had only-"

"Edward," Alice interrupted. "There is only so many times that you can ask yourself that. You can't go on beating yourself up about that! You were doing what you thought was right. Bella," Edward cringed at the sound of her name, "Doesn't blame you, so you shouldn't blame yourself."

"Alice, I _know_ that!" He was frustrated now "She never blamed anyone! I will respect her wishes, and do my best to be happy and not blame myself for anything. I know that was what she wanted. But that doesn't mean I have to like it." This was to be the last word he would say on the subject.

And so they buried her there, and they mourned; not only for what could have been, but also what was lost because of it.

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Alright, the fate of this story rests in your hands. So push the little purple button and...just tell me what to do!!! 


	2. Chapter 2: What It Means To Be Dead

Alright, I am continuing this story. Things may get a little spiritual from here on end, just a warning if you have a problem with that. Other than that, just drop a review every once in a while, and I will be a happy authoress!

P.S. There should be regular updates, i have about 5 chapter already written...I just have to type them up. And sorry if this is a bit short!_

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_Chapter Two_

_What It Means To Be Dead_

They lamented her death everyday, but they tried to get over it. And while he honestly tried to be 'happy', he found himself becoming more and more secluded from the rest of his family.

Almost a month later, Alice came barging into his room. She wasn't happy.

"Edward, this is _ridiculous!_ You can't just wallow like this forever. It's not okay, and it's certainly not what Bella," He cringed, "Would have wanted you to do! She wouldn't have wanted you to spend the rest of eternity miserable because of her!"

Getting no response out of him, she began to yell. It was as if it wasn't him she was yelling at, as if she where screaming at someone else. He just stood there and took it. He deserved it, he reflected. She slapped him. He looked at her in astonishment.

"WERE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME EDWARD? ANSWER ME DAMN IT!" she screamed. Once her torrent of insults had subsided, she took a couple of deep breaths. "I didn't come up here to yell at you. I'm sorry."

After what seemed like an age, he spoke, his voice sounding vaguely croaky and not at all velvety from disuse.

"I will fix this. If it is the last thing I ever do, I will make sure none of you suffer because of her. I'm going to fix this." Indeed, what he was planning would take the both of them away, so it they wouldn't have to be sad. And this hell he was trapped in would release its hold on him. He really had no will to live. She relaxed a little bit, and smiled.

In a quiet, assured voice, she whispered "Good," not even questioning how he would try to 'fix' things.

She clearly didn't understand what he meant, and he certainly wasn't going to tell her. Then her face changed, and he knew she was having a vision. She stared off into space. It was evident that whatever she was seeing, it wasn't good.

"You can't DO that!" She shouted at him.

"It's too late for that now, and I have no choice. I can't live without her. I'm going to go ask the Volturi to kill me now, and you can either come along and help me, or die trying to stop me." His voice was hard as ice as he said this, and her face wavered, unsure. After a minute or so, she seemed to come to a decision.

"I can't stop you, but I _will not_ help you destroy yourself. Just remember that we all love you. I know how hard it was to loose her. I lost her too, but what you're going through is so much worse. I would probably do the same thing if Jasper died. But think of Esme. Think of Carlisle. This will rip them to pieces. Please don't do this."

He already had. She must have seen that, for she gave him a hug and ran off, leaving him to pack. He didn't. Dead men didn't need fresh clothes, after all.

He ran all the way to Volterra. Skidding to a stop outside Volterra's walls, he saw a beautiful magnolia tree in full bloom.

The petals slowly spiraled downward, white petals tinged with pink; reminding him of the blush that appeared on her pale cheeks every time she was embarrassed. It was as if he was in a trance. To him, the petals seemed to form a shape. It was hard to see at first. It was like there was something in the way of the petal's natural path. After a few minutes of staring at it, he realized what the outline was of. _Bella_. It was as if she was standing before him, invisible.

"_What on earth are you doing?" _He froze. It may have just been the wind, but he swore he could hear a voice, although no one was there. _"You __**promised**__!" _That sounded like-But no…that was impossible. It registered in his mind that the voice was angry- very angry. _"I can't believe this Edward! You promised that you wouldn't hurt yourself! You would really break your promise to me?"_ The voice was less angry now. It sounded as if she was about to cry. _"I thought that you would listen."_ The voice was fading.

"Bella?" He was panicking now. If she truly was here, he couldn't let her slip through his fingers.

"_Yes?" _

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Sorry for the cliffy guys! I'm evil, I know, but the next chapter should be up by wednesday at the lastest.( a long time, but I'm going to the land of no computers [Collingwood for a weekend)Press the little purple button...You know you want to!!


	3. Chapter 3: Rose Red

Alright...So I know that this one is a little bit short, and I know that I took a long time getting it up. From here on in, I have to actually type the rest of the story up, and then edit it. Sorry for all the Angst in this chappie. See you when I update!

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Chapter Three 

_Rose Red_

She was really here… _Bella_ was really here. Something soft touched his cheek, and a torrent of memories and emotions came rushing at him from the place in his mind where he had imprisoned them. Bella, dancing with him on the night of the prom…Bella, saying she loved him…Bella, just being _Bella_…

"I love you," Were the only words he managed.

"Turn around Edward. I'm right here, remember? As long as you walk this earth I will always be _right here_. I will never leave you," her quiet whisper in his ear was so divine, it was like it was the only thing sustaining him right then. "Leave this place, but know that I am always here. I love you too."

"Don't go!" he shouted.

He couldn't bear this, to know she was there, but not to be able to touch her, or see her, not even to be able to _smell_ her.

"Edward, I have to. I don't have the power to bring myself back. As much as I want to, I can only watch you. Please understand that I love you. I'm always here. Right here…" Her voice faded out, becoming one more simply the wind.

"Goodbye my love" he whispered.

And so he turned around, and returned home, dry sobs shaking through his body. He felt a soft pressure on his shoulder and heard a soft voice say,

"I'll always be here" and then it was gone. After that, there were some days when his resolve to live weakened, but her voice was always there, whispering soothingly in his ear. When he actually left his room, he would catch strange mumblings in his family's minds, and he realized that Bella was occasionally talking to them as well.

After a long time spent curled up in his room (he wasn't quite sure how long it had been,) Alice walked in, and opened his windows. The wind had picked up, blowing through the window, bringing with it leaves from the trees outside.

"Edward, this is ridiculous. Bella," He cringed "Would want you to be happy regardless of where she is. You have to live, even if it hurts. She's falling to pieces seeing you like this. Get out of the house. I don't care where you go Edward, but you have to do _something_!"

And then something was _pushing_ him, tugging on his clothes, trying to get him to move. Bella might as well have been screaming at him to move. And then that ghostly voice was there, in his ear.

"Go Edward. Have fun. I don't want you to be sad. Just remember, I'll always be here."

When Bella finished talking, Alice looked at him pointedly. When he didn't move, she said, exasperated, "_Listen_ to her Edward. Stop being so stubborn!" Then she left the room.

He changed his clothes, and got in his car. Speeding down the highway, he turned right on the one-ten, and then drove until the pavement ended. Then he ran the rest of the way to his meadow, to _their _meadow. The place she was buried. When he got there, he just stared at the modest headstone that marked her grave.

There was a big part of him that just wanted to curl up in a ball and stay here forever. So he lay down. He curled up. And then he changed his mind. As much as it hurt, he was alive, and she was dead. As much as it hurt, he had to make his life as big as possible. He would live for her, and try to have the life she was supposed to have had. The flowers in the meadow stirred in the sudden breeze, blowing to him, and he knelt on the earth.

When the gust of wind stopped, he looked up and saw a white rose, just barely tainted with a delicate pink at the tips of the petals. But it was clear that this was no ordinary rose. On the dark, green stem, were the words _'when the last petal falls.'_

Sparkling in the sun, it was evident that it didn't belong in the world of the living.

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	4. Chapter 4: Phantom Flower

Alright, I'm back! I'm **so** sorry it has taken me so long to update, but thanks for sticking with me!_

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_Chapter Four_

_Phantom Flower_

"Protect it, and wait. Please." Bella whispered, touching his cheek softly, and then the force that belonged to her was gone.

He raced back home, clutching the rose tightly, his mind miles away. When he got to the house, he carefully placed the rose on the table in the living room and went to get something to cover it with so that it wouldn't be damaged, a bell jar, perhaps. The rose just floated there, mere centimeters above the table. Returning with a bell jar to protect it, he saw his whole family staring at it. It was clear that they were struggling for words. It was Emmett who finally broke the silence.

"What the heck is _that_?" was all he said. More words weren't really needed.

Alice added "Well, whatever it is, it clearly doesn't belong here. I know that we're vampires and all, but this is beyond weird. And what is that it says on the stem?" Carlisle spoke before Edward could, sounding both shocked and awed.

"I know what that is," he said slowly "That's a phantom flower! But, those can only be made by someone who was not meant to die, someone who has left something undone, or is so stubborn that they simply refuse to leave this earth…Someone like-" but he was interrupted before he could finish.

"Like Bella!" Alice said triumphantly.

"It says to wait for the day when the last petal falls," said Edward quietly "I don't know what will happen or how long that will take, but I intend to do what it says. If this rose_ is_ truly from her, then this may be my only chance to make things right."

"_We_ will do what it says. We miss her too," said Alice softly.

And so they waited, all of them, for something to happen. At first, it just hovered over the table. After a few hours however, it shuddered, and one of its petals fell to the tabletop. For twelve days, they just sat in the living room, unmoving; never speaking, as the rose slowly wilted. Waiting, and hoping for the impossible. And on the thirteenth day, just as the sun was scraping the horizon, sending the first few beams of light through the wall of windows; everything froze.

Everything in the room, Cullens included, began to glow with a strange blue-ish light that seemed to emanate from their very core. Even the leaves that had been falling outside stopped in midair. The one thing that remained mobile was Edward. He watched the rose grow brighter and brighter with a sense of growing astonishment; the contents of the bell jar blazing like a miniature sun.

This was it, his last hope.

Words appeared on the wall, burning fiery lashings into it. _I __**will**__ be free!_ Edward took the bell jar off of the rose, desperately trying to convince himself that she as here. Pleading that she could come back. In the middle of the room the golden orb that used to be the rose trembled. A voice spoke out of it, and he felt a pang as he realized he had begun to hope, without giving himself permission to. This was not the voice he so longed to hear. The voice that he would to anything for...her voice.

"I can see what you want," the voice chuckled in a deep, masculine voice. "It is obvious you have waited years for this, for your chance at redemption. To bad I can't give you that. I can however, give you a second chance with her." The voice became a bit less happy. "All I can really tell you is that you messed things up. You made a bad choice, and it ruined both of your lives. But this was meant to be. Divine intervention was needed. The fact that she died complicated things of course," The voice mused "Learn from your mistakes Edward. Don't let this happen again. Don't fight this, for it will only end in death, and I can't bring a person back twice. Are you hearing me? This was meant to be. Don't fight it."

Edward hastily interrupted him.

"She could come back to me? You could bring her back?"

"Yes," the voice hesitated. "There will be consequences though. And she has to actually want to be back."

"I don't care!" said Edward impatiently "I just want her back!"

"Well…" said the voice, already fading "Alright. I just need to make sure she wants to come back." As the voice receded, it was replaced with angry, defiant screams.

"You can't **do** this! I am going back, even if he doesn't want me! I am going to march right back there, and there is **nothing**, _**nothing**_, that you can do to stop me!"

Edward stopped breathing, his whole being concentrated on that sound. She sounded so close, even though he couldn't see her. Another enraged shriek pierced the air. The misty ball of golden light was expanding, growing bigger and bigger until it was the size of a door. And he could see a figure; a shadow running through the fog.

It was Bella. But not Bella as he had last seen her, sickly and pale. This girl was eighteen, and healthy. It wasn't actually her…it couldn't be. Her figure was more defined, her hair a rich mahogany brown. And her eyes were a dark, ringed with deep purple shadows. She was paler, but there was no mistaking it. This was his Bella. Inside, Edward was screaming. His greatest wish was granted, but at the same time, his worst nightmare was coming true. She hadn't seen him yet. Reaching the edge of the curling mist, she turned back, speaking to someone he couldn't see.

"Of course this is what I want!" she paused, as if waiting for the other person to say something. "Maybe he won't want distractions now that I'm beautiful and strong. It doesn't matter. Just being near him will be enough. I will live with this, no matter what his decision. This is what I choose." She smiled, and said softly "I know. Bye Dad. I love you." How could she even _think_ that he could ever want anyone but her? I made no sense to him. Didn't she know how much he desired her love?

Before her, he had thought that he was independent and strong. But he got one small taste of her love, and his will crumbled like dust. And now, after over eighty years of denying himself, he wanted her love _so_ much.

Just then, she turned around and saw him standing there. "Edward," she whispered, her eyes wide.

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	5. Chapter 5: Ghosts of the Past

here's my second update in one day! I must really love you guys or something...Lol_

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_Chapter Five_

_Ghost of the Past_

The emotions flickering across her face went too fast for him to read. Suddenly, she crumpled into a heap on the floor, shaking uncontrollably, her small frame heaving with sobs. He was beside her in a heartbeat, cradling her in his arms.

"C-Charlie's g-gone," She sobbed "And I n-never said goodbye…my whole family is dead…I'm the only one left, they're all gone…and I'm alone."

She was shuddering, drawing in deep lungfuls of air.

"Ssh, it's okay Bella. It's going to be okay. You're not all alone, my family is here, and we'll keep you safe – I'm here, and…I love you." At this, she stopped crying and looked up at him.

"Do you? Do you really?" Hope was beginning to grow in her face, blossoming and pushing out her sorrow. "I thought when…but I couldn't be sure…" her voice trailed off, she was lost in thought. She seemed to be fighting an internal battle. There was something raging in her eyes, but he couldn't identify it. And then, she seemed to stop fighting. She just gave up, and let all of the walls she had built within herself fall away. "Oh Edward!" she murmured, and buried her face in his chest.

He was now honestly questioning why he had ever left her…Why he had ever thought that he could survive without her. Because at this moment, his world was centered solely on her.

"Bella, I need to know. After everything I've done to you, can you still love me?" he said this in the smallest of whispers, but he knew she would hear.

"What kind of idiotic question is that?" She looked completely shocked. There it was; the rejection he feared. He had been so stupid to think that an angel such as her could ever love a _monster_ like him.

"The way I feel about you will never change. Of _course_ I love you – and there's nothing you can do about it!" When she said this, he could have sworn that his heart started to beat again. The love he felt for this one woman blew him away. So he kissed her. She melted into his embrace, and for the first time in ages, he felt whole. This was the best he had felt since – No, he shouldn't think of that day. Why should he dwell on the past when he had his future in his arms.

Everything changed then, shifting back into normality. His family stared at them in shock. He really couldn't blame them. For all they knew, Bella had just appeared out of thin air, eighteen again, and a vampire. That he was smiling alone would have been reason to stare. He hadn't smiled properly since that disastrous birthday party. Bella was the first one to break the silence.

"Alice!" she shrieked, and then proceeded to run around the room giving everyone hugs (even Rosalie) before returning to her position curled up in his lap. Rosalie was the first person to get over her shock, and she pounced on Bella.

"Oh my god Bella!" she said, half ashamed, half excited "I'm so glad you're here! I want to apologize for the way I acted towards you before. It was stupid and childish of me, and every day when I saw Edward's face I just feel worse and worse! I really wish we could just put it behind us." She stopped, took a breath, and then went on gingerly "Bella, can you forgive me for the awful way I've treated you?" She said most of this really fast, as if she was hoping Bella didn't remember how nasty she used to be.

"Oh Rosalie, of course I forgive you! Can we…do you think – maybe, we could be friends?" Bella's voice was soft, tentative. Rosalie's answering smile was just as timid. At this point, he was almost beaming, he was so happy that the one resistant member of his family had finally accepted Bella. There was just one thing left to do to make her actually part of the family…but that would have to wait. Looking once more at his family, it registered on him that they were about to explode, they were so curious. Suddenly, Bella seemed to realize something.

'Wait…I – I – That day, I thought you guys left town. But this is your house in Forks. What have you guys been doing since-" She clutched her chest, as if she was falling to pieces, like she was trying to hold herself together "Since that day in the f-forest?" she finished, forcing the words out of her mouth, pain flashing across her beautiful face.

Alice, always the quick thinker, saved Edward by saying "Nothing much, what's been happening to you?"

Bella's face immediately closed off at these words.

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	6. Chapter 6: Story of a Girl

Okay guys, so after a long wait, I'm back! Hoping you like this chapter, let me know!

P.S. It has come to my attention that I never did a disclaimer. So here it is: I do not own Twilight (much as I wish I did)

_Chapter Six_

_Story of a Girl_

She took several deep breaths, hugging her chest like she was falling apart. He had seen that position before. After he left, she did that a lot. After a few minutes of her breathing deeply and evenly, she began her story; slowly and quietly at first, but growing louder as she gained confidence.

"I don't remember much of my human life. After you guys left," she stopped, shuddered, and continued on "There was a week when I couldn't move, I couldn't think, and I couldn't feel. Charlie had a doctor look at me, and he was tossing around words like catatonic, and comatose. I realized I had to make a choice: I could remember the good times, my love for you guys, take the pain that came with it and spend the rest of my life in pain, trying to hold myself together; or I could try to be normal for Charlie and forget. I didn't want to, but the pain was so immense. And so between pain and nothing, I chose nothing."

Suddenly, it dawned on Edward why she always looked so unresponsive. It wasn't that she was ignoring everyone; she simply couldn't hear them through the walls that she had built to protect herself!

"So that's why you-" he began, and then stopped himself. He wouldn't be able to explain this to her properly. Bella regarded him for a moment, her wide, innocent eyes staring up at him worriedly from her position in his lap. He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead, and she went back to her story, reassured.

"After that, everything is a blur until that day in the hospital. When you walked in to my room all my numbness was gone, and I couldn't bring it back. I was unprotected, but I was okay. I was so scared. If you left me again, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I would have died. But then…we went to the meadow."

She shifted in his lap, putting more of her weight on him.

"I knew I was dying, but I was so happy; just to be with you again was heaven. It made the whole dying thing pretty bearable. I didn't even feel any pain. And after that, when I was dead…I could still see you guys. I watched you bury my body, and I saw Alice yell at you. I was there, but I couldn't do anything. It was so frustrating! I was there when you went to Volterra. I was so scared, and so mad that you had broken your promise to me, I just snapped. I don't know what I did, but all of a sudden you could hear me. It hurt, talking to you; it did take something from me. If I were still alive, that pain would have killed me. I became aware of a tug on my body. It was small at first, but the more I talked to you, the more insistent it became. I was still there, but it was getting harder to remain with you."

"And then, just like that, I was gone. I was in this tunnel that glowed with blue-gold light. The farther I went into it, the more golden it became. A fog descended around me, and I couldn't find my way out. Finally, I found a hole in the wall, and I crawled out. I came back just in time to see Alice confront you. Edward, I can't believe you were just wallowing in your room! It isn't good for you. So I tugged at you, and I tried to push you outside. And then you went to my grave."

She stood up and turned to face him.

"I know what you were doing Edward. I went through the same thing when you left. Those years in the hospital were eternity to me. The days dragged on so long without you. But time did pass, even when it seemed impossible. Every second moved like–"

She stopped, contemplating her choice of metaphors. "Like the pulse of blood beneath a bruise." Everyone in the room winced.

"Sorry guys. Not the best thing to say, was it? Well, in any case, time passed, even when it seemed impossible, though I couldn't tell how. I know it was hard. But that doesn't give you an excuse to wallow Edward!" she finished, seating herself beside him and leaning on his shoulder. He sat her in his lap, cradling her to his chest, and stroking her face with the tip of his index finger.

Truly, it didn't matter that everyone else was in the room with them. He leaned down and kissed her. It wasn't anywhere near as careful as others they had shared, mainly because when she was human and oh so fragile, he was making sure she didn't get hurt and a half hour ago he wasn't sure where they stood with each other. But it was perfectly alright with him. Her arms went up around his neck, burying them selves in his hair. His hands of course were still around her waist, holding her to him. Being like this, it was easy to forget the pain they had suffered. It had happened in the past was all okay, because they were here with each other in the present.

Behind them, Emmett started cat-calling. They broke apart, breathing raggedly.

"I love you," he whispered in her ear before letting her up to continue with her story.

"Okay," Bella began nervously. If she was still able, she'd have been a nice ripe tomato-ish color right up to the roots of her hair. "So as I was saying Edward. The fate that I met does not justify you wallowing in depression. In any case, you went to my grave after I pushed you out of the house, and you started wallowing again! I knew I had to do something, but I didn't know what I could do. Even though by this point I had been dead for a couple of months, I still hadn't figured out what I could or couldn't do."

She paused, trying to find the right words to speak. "I guess I just wanted something to happen so badly that it happened. And by the time it happened I knew it was the right thing to do. It was right around here that the pain started." Edward stiffened at the thought of anything causing his Bella pain, and she came over and put a reassuring hand on his knee.

"The minute I stopped talking to you, Edward, I felt like I was being ripped into tiny pieces. Everything I've ever done, every thought I've ever had was relived in the space of about a minute. I was mentally everywhere and physically nowhere all at once. And there was less of me by the minute. Something was pulling pieces of my consciousness away from me in multicolored streams of thought. Then I passed out. I woke up caged in a giant dome. In the beginning, it was glowing brightly, but as time passed, the light got dimmer. It seemed like whatever power the dome contained was weakening. I realize know that I was probably trapped inside the rose, and as it wilted outside, it died on the inside. So I thought that if I could break it, I could go back to you. Not the most rational of plans, I know, but it seemed the best course of action at the time. So I kept pounding on the dome. Really, my only rational thought at this point was 'I **will** be free.' It didn't work."

She sat in Edward's lap, tracing the fine lines on the hand she had been holding. He wrapped his other arm around her waist and drew her close.

"Do you want to stop Bella?" he whispered softly in her ear, his hands lovingly caressing hers. She drew in a shuddering breath. Even as a vampire, he still had the power to make her voice stutter and her breathing irregular.

"No. I think I'm okay to keep going," she whispered back, and was surprised to hear that his breathing was irregular as well. Nice to know that she could dazzle him too!

"Something happened then," she said, speaking to the entire room. "I'm not sure exactly what was happening, but I was surrounded by gold fog. Whether I was still in the dome or not, I don't know. There was a shadow in the fog a few feet away from me. It was shaped like a person, but it was too far in shadow for me to tell whether it was male or female. In any case, I was so scared that it might have been sent to take me away. It started talking. That voice is one I will never forget. Both beautiful and terrible, you could hear countless joys and endless sorrows in that voice. It told me that I couldn't go back to you. That I was going to stay in that endless sea of fog forever. The golden miasma just seemed to get thicker and thicker as the shadow blended into it. That was right about when I lost it. I was going to have to stay in that godforsaken mist _forever_? I was never going to see you guys again? Well tough luck for that Voice guy, 'cause there was about a snowball's chance in Hell that I was going to just stand complacently while he left me there. As I said, I went mental. I started screaming at it and trying to fight my way through the fog that was pressing in from all sides. And it thought this was _funny_. I swear, it was _laughing_ at me. After a long time struggling against the fog, it told me I could go back."

Her voice cracked on the very last word, and she buried her face in his shirt, crying quietly. He wrapped his arms firmly around her, as if to shelter her from whatever that _thing_ on the power trip had been.

"But it also said that if you left again, nothing would bring you back. And I'd die again."

There it was again. That awful notion that if he, Edward, were to leave her side, she would die. And no one, not even a vampire, is lucky enough for a third chance; especially at something as rare as love.

"And then there was a path through the mist," she continued. "I followed it, and just as I was reaching the end, Charlie came out. He-he wanted to make sure that going back was what I wanted. I told him that it was, and I hugged him goodbye."

She stopped. "I never got to say goodbye, the first time around," she whispered to herself.

"But I said bye, and I walked to the end of the path. And this is where I ended up when I got there." She finished quietly.

* * *

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